on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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