I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if only i could text you this smell
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
