Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
