you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
