We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
