Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
