Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
