Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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