I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
