he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
