Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I died a long time ago.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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