im drinking this country out of the recession.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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