We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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