Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
