Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
