a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
