My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
