You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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