WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
