Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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