I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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