dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
