conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
