I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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