So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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