spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
