dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
