in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
