True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
two words...techno handjob
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
