I puked a lego.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
