textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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