Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
