Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I only kidnapped one of them. chill

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(801): View more from Utah

i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

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(514): View more from Quebec

so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

(1-514): View more from Quebec

and?

(514): View more from Quebec

luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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(302): View more from Delaware

I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?

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(530): View more from California

i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

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(305): View more from Florida

Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

(786): View more from Florida

How high are you right now..

(305): View more from Florida

I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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(801): View more from Utah

Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.

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(206): View more from Washington

You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave

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