Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
