I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
