I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
