um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
