I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
