i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
