Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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