6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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