did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
