U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
