I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
