So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
