The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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