Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize