I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
