If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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