I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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