I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
