My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
