I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
