I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
