Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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