dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
