we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
