I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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