Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
