Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
