cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sext me about skeletons
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
