Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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