he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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