woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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