Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
