so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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