love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
