it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
